Every week I hear it more and more, "I'm sick of online dating" "I am deleting my apps" "No one answers or matches with me, it's a waste of my time". Hear me out for a minute or two, and let's work through this together.
I'm bringing this back to evolution for a moment.
Evolution and Energy
Here we go. Evolution is essentially defined as two different things:
1. the process by which different kinds of living organisms are thought to have developed and diversified from earlier forms during the history of the earth.
2. the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form.
Dating even up until 12-15 years ago was more simple. It was evolutionarily different. People worked 9-5 at a job, they came home and met up with friends at a local bar, scene, restaurant, gym etc. and most importantly, they were not embedded into their cell phone seeking attention, affection, attraction and entertainment from those on a screen.
TikTok and Instagram did not exist and Facebook was merely a space for people going to college to meet other students. Dating websites were inhabited by people who were intentional about finding a partner or a soulmate, because the people seeking casual sex and affection were still prowling local spots and social events like everyone else was at that time.
Life is no longer what it was, and so we're changing with the time. As you read this, take a moment to realize you can either change with the time, or the time will change without you and it doesn't care to leave you behind.
In today's world, many of us post COVID-19 are working hybrid roles half in an office and half at home in the comfort of our solitary spaces. We're working more hours for less money, and we're exhausted by the time we get home. I find people are becoming more hopeless and effortless, yet they expect perfection. No one, and nothing will come to you in life without your energy and effort to find it. We've got to change with the times to keep up with them.
Everything in life is about moderation. This isn't about just being on the apps, or going to restaurants and social scenes, or your local locations to meet people, it's about having the tenacity and the grit to stay involved in all of the spaces in moderation with an intension of finding connection you're craving with someone. This is where it becomes less about changing with the times and more about the energy you put into the process and what energy you expel as you do it.
With this being said, I understand first and foremost how exhausting dating is. It's beyond exhausting, but the reason I am writing this is because people are complaining about being single, craving a relationship and won't go out of their homes, socialize or go on the apps.
Facts alone: you won't meet someone in isolation.
If you're dating with a hopeless energy expecting the worst from people, or merely expecting others to validate you because you don't even validate you, sit with that for a moment. That's not an energy that is desirable, attractive or sought after. Energy surrounds you like an aura, it walks with you, comes out in your voice, the way you carry yourself and it impacts the people around you. Hope.
Hope is a beautiful word, and it's something that can be manifested into your life in conjunction with desire. When you mix hope and desire, and sprinkle in a little socialization and flirtation, you'd be surprised what attention comes your way. You choose to hope or to be hopeless, and that energy follows you like a shadow in the sun.
We connect and learn to trust based on the way someone we connect with make us feel.
It's that simple and yet we make it difficult. The difficulty comes from our desire for everything to come to us the way it now does. Grubhub, UberEats, Hinge, Tinder, Feeld, whatever it is, we get it at home, at the push of a button. Connection does not occur with buttons pushed, it simply just starts there.
As you sit and read this, just remember, no one learned anything sitting in the comfort of their safe space. We grow through discomfort that we go through, and sometimes, especially post COVID-19, that space is getting back into social environments with others. Space where we're forced to connect face to face, and examine the way these interactions make us feel.
Grab a friend, a coworker, a family member and go for a bite to eat somewhere, anywhere. Grab a drink, a lunch, and harness your inner self love and let it radiate outward. Flirt, smile, and let your attraction vibes harness energy around you.
You'll see, as you evolve, your love does too.